This is a 3-part series of articles, written to respond to a reader’s question.
Part 1 of 3: Of the Heart
“I have been suicidal many times in my life. I have studied metaphysics most of my life. I believe that we, along with our guides, plan our next incarnation and the lessons we will take on. If we and our guides plan our next incarnation, can suicide be written into our ‘blueprint’? If so, would this being planned ahead of rebirth, doesn’t that alleviate the bad karma associated with suicide? It seems if it is planned it is part of our spiritual evolution, yes? Or maybe it is the big picture and the bad karma is part of the learning process as well.” V.
I will start this way. You’re asking about a larger topic than you might think. I could write several books to explain. The real answers, or rather, the answers I see and offer, will take one far beyond the questions and topics you are asking about. I do not have every facet and issue related to suicide. I can only offer that which I see.
So, here we go.
Part 1 of 3: Of the Heart
First, I suggest that there are very few people who have not thought of suicide. It is part of the realities of human life. But, suicide is not just a “mind” thing. It is not a “logical” thing. It can be and is a “heart surrounded in unrealized and unrecognized emotions” thing. It can be a “feelings unknowingly overwhelming a person” thing. When injured, harmed or ill, rational thought and logic does not heal the mind.
Secondly, from a different take on it, I will offer that one of the practical spiritual lessons of experiencing the desire to end our life, is to reach a point in our own consciousness where we step back and begin to understand how any human being at all can reach a point in one’s life where we desire to end our life in suicide. When whatever has come forth in life to move us to reach this point in our own life where we desire suicide, we can begin to understand how others can reach points in their life, where they desire it. Ultimately, this practical lesson, can help us to begin to have the compassion within us for others who turn to suicide as their solution. This growing compassion and understanding can serve us greatly as humans in this world leading us to ever more ways to connect to those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts.
This awareness, deeper understanding, and connection are no small things. We gain when we can learn and understand what it’s like for human beings to be human beings with real human turmoil, loss and pain, etc. which can lead to this choice. As humans, the questions related can deal with the despair we feel, the grief we feel, the sorrow we feel, the experience of being lost in life, the disconnection from others we may experience, as well as the pain of loss of that which we hoped for and sought in our lives. And not all of this is necessarily recognized in our conscious mind all at once. We can be unaware of what drives our considering/grasping at suicide.
When we reach what feels to be the darkest place in our minds and hearts – and possibly finding it to be one of the most alone places within ourselves – then it can become possible to be able to understand why we think that ending our life might end the feelings, sorrow, grief, despair, loss or whatever else which may contribute. Although reaching this newly recognized understanding of humanity from this experience is a seemingly small idea, it has a very big effect on the connecting process of many human hearts. We can easily find that we believe that ending the human experience will end whichever deep black-hole we experience ourselves in.
When we become more aware of this human experience, we can then see what drives humans to believe that stopping this life must be a solution. We can see what drives us humans to WANT ending this life to be a solution.
There is loss which we can go through, which we can’t readily identify. We can feel grief which we don’t know where it comes from. We can feel sorrow and pain which we have no understanding why. There are losses in our life – loss of our hope for better in our lives, loss of our intentions, loss of our dreams, loss of our desires, loss of our beliefs about life, and loss of our valuing of different parts of life and on and on. All of these aspects of life are very important to us and for humans, loss of ever kind is felt deeply and impacts our hearts and minds. We even feel it in our bodies.
In our physical life in the physical universe and in our spiritual life in the spiritual realm, it is ourselves who are the voices crying out in the wilderness. We cry out from that place within our own unfinished heart and, as yet, not-fully-discovered mind.
But, coming from this crying out in the wilderness, sometimes, one day in the healing process, we can slowly, slowly learn and recognize the notion that we would never feel any of these things unless we first had an ability to somehow and somewhere have the capacity to grasp there is a God and there is love existing somewhere, and grasping at any/all of this comes from inside our own self – from inside our own heart and from inside our own soul. It is the love patiently waiting and tucked away inside us – and the suffering we recognize we go through connected to our love – which originally led us to hope earlier on, to have better intentions and beliefs, and to value whatever in life we have found valuable – and have these at the beginnings of our sojourns to experience being human – at the very beginning of our life or lives.
It is the love inside of us which we so many times forget, with having forgotten the awareness that love is our very nature and the center of our life. Yet, the Love at our core of life can help us to find ways, with others’ help, to walk a “seeking for healing” path which can lead, in turn, to reconnecting, communing, and sharing with others, in their lives. It can be these moments, in turn, when we hope that our own healing path of slowly discovering our center, again, that our core awareness of love could help us help our neighbor to come to know they are able to find themselves loved and able to love, eventually, too, thus connecting to an unending circle of help, and then even giving us opportunities to express the compassion we begin to find within us and we have heretofore been relearning (possibly from the seed of compassion within which we can have for our self.)
All our spiritual lessons will always be centered on and born from loving God, and loving others. Christ’s words, “Love God above all else, and love your neighbor as yourself”, are the words which are the foundation of every spiritual discovery and healing principle. All spiritual teachings flow from the spring of this pure source. For not only is it true that God is Love, but Love is God – the God energy and the God center.
Our struggles, our pains and our sorrows many times involve, at some level within us, our forgetting that we are asked to bring love with us as we walk through our life, (sometimes one life at a time, one day at a time, and one moment at a time), so that we can know this love is within us, this love can grow within us, and that we can never be separated from this inner love. It can never NOT exist as our very being and essence – even if we’re totally clueless about this reality. In addition, in turn, then when we can consider helping another life to learn before their time is up – that they are loved and they now, might know how deep love can reach into every part of us, and out from every deep part of us.
All of us are ambassadors of some kind – whether of harm or of healing. We can be ambassadors of healing, if we are willing to love even one other life, and through the sorrow, the pain, the grief, the despair that we all have known and still know and go through, realize that through all this, we can still love someone or something in life. We can still love, even when we ourselves are on our cross with the nails through our hands and feet, and with the sword piercing our own heart. We can still love when we are in our deepest pain. In turn, any love we give to another is indeed the savior of both of us – is indeed the greatest lesson we can hope to one day grasp – to love God and others – and in turn, this leading to loving the Oneness of all life which begins within our own individual nature.
Loving is always a choice and can be chosen even when we’re on our own cross and we ask, “Father, please forgive us, for we don’t know what we’re doing.” The act of loving is the act of giving of our self for the benefit of All, beginning from ourselves and expanding to more than ourselves.
We are the voices crying out in the wilderness, “God, please, help me!!!” We are the voices crying out, “I don’t understand!” We are the voices suffering. We are the ones whose tears create streams within our soul so that healing waters may begin to flow forth.
We love, and because we love, we experience sorrow and grief, loss, pain and despair. Just ask any parent who loves their child as that child grows and struggles through life. And in these moments of our strongest pain, we know what it means to need help and we know what it means, when we realize we’re not alone in these feelings, and we’re not alone in the very moment of needing help.
It is the human condition to know sorrow, pain, loss and despair – a few of many triggers for suicide. Yet, when we are nailed upon our own cross, the challenge is at the greatest – to decide to end our life and take ourselves down off the cross, or instead to turn to the one on the cross next to us, reaching over to Him asking to be remembered, or to let someone else know that today, we/they are together with our/their crosses, in the same way that He remembers us to let us know that on our cross, we are with Him and He is with us. And He will never leave us or forsake us when we are on the life path we walk.
Our greatest lesson is Love and in loving, to join with each other and show whomever comes into our lives that love is real and can exist in our life. We are meant to both give Love and receive Love. We are not alone – we are meant to become one more person who can come to learn to love. In turn, because we can choose to love and seek to show love in real ways, then we are united, and then no longer alone in our life. When we love, we are not alone. In this joining based on loving, we are then in that better place we have always been seeking since the beginning of all times.
It may seem disconnected to the response, but I’ll add this…
God designed us to need one another…
and to learn this is a great lesson learned.
Part 1 of 3: Of the Heart